Lucas has discovered another way to irritate us - screaming. No longer does he throw tantrums (i.e full body slam on the floor, legs kicking, arms waving, crying), no, now he realizes that his tantrums will not get him anywhere. He recently started screaming and crying at the same time; especially when its time to take his nap. Yesterday he screamed non stop for 25 minutes before falling asleep at 4.30 pm and woke up grumpy. Today I decided to put him to bed earlier (I think he's acting up cos he's tired), and we put Lucas to bed at 12.30 pm. He cried and screamed (Fred says his ears are ringing....) for about 10 minutes before he calmed down but he didn't fall asleep til an hour later. Instead everytime we thought he'd fallen asleep, he would call out to one of us. And when we didn't take him out of his cot he would start crying again. This went on another 2 times and then, total silence.
I know I need to curb the screaming habit but ignoring his screams do not seem to work; neither does he listen when I tell him to use his normal voice. What can I do? Any suggestions? Will he grow out of it? Do I just let it be for now? Lucas goes to school in the next 2 weeks and I worry he will start screaming in school...
Showing posts with label misbehaving toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label misbehaving toddler. Show all posts
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Bad day
Today I totally lost it with Lucas. I am at my wits end and really don't know what to do anymore. Today Lucas pushed me to the limit. And I am ashamed to say I retaliated. I took Lucas over my knee, took a plastic toy that he threw at me and spanked him hard.
Fred came home at lunchtime and found me crying in the kitchen while Lucas was playing on his own in his room. Just before Fred came back, I'd calmed down and explained to Lucas that I didn't mean to spank him and that he'd gone too far with his tantrums this time.
This is an accumulation of the stress from the past 4 days - Lucas has, once again started his tantrums. This time, he throws anything he can find when he gets angry (when he asks for something, like cereal just before lunch and I say no) including sweeping all the cutleries from the table, toppling chairs and today he took the cereal box from the pantry and emptied it all on the floor. When Lucas gets angry he has also started hitting me. All the time outs which used to work is no longer working. When I tell him to sit in his chair in the naughty corner, he sits for a while and then he gets out and plays by himself, like he's not being punished.
When he empties out the tea bags or the sugar cubes, I tell him to pick them up, he walks on them instead and runs away. He defies me everytime. When I tell him to stop when he's doing something dangerous like climbing on a chair and opening the window, he starts a screaming fit.
Fred says Lucas needs to get out of the apartment and run around to expand his energy. This morning I took him to the playground for an hour, and thought he would calm down when we got home. Instead, the minute I drive through the security at our apartment he starts screaming. It was hard enough to get him into the car when it was time to leave the playground, its harder to get him out of the car and juggle with opening the security door and climb up 2 flights of stairs with a wriggling screaming toddler in my hands. When we finally got into the apartment, he started throwing whatever he could get his hands on to show me that he was angry.
The final straw came when he asked for cereal and I said no, since we were 10 minutes away from lunch. He threw the cereal on the floor. Then when I was cleaning the floor, he toppled the chairs. AND he swept his drinking glass off the table. I took him and deposited him in his room, and told him to sit in his naughty corner. Instead of doing what I asked he took his books and threw them on the floor, and took his toys and threw them at me when I opened the door. That's when I saw red and spanked him.
Now I am miserable and feeling guilty. My heart is breaking because I hate having to spank him. But I really don't know what else to do anymore. I want to be a laid back mom, cool and relaxed and happy and just enjoy my baby. I really do. Instead I am strung out and angry and frustrated.
Fred came home at lunchtime and found me crying in the kitchen while Lucas was playing on his own in his room. Just before Fred came back, I'd calmed down and explained to Lucas that I didn't mean to spank him and that he'd gone too far with his tantrums this time.
This is an accumulation of the stress from the past 4 days - Lucas has, once again started his tantrums. This time, he throws anything he can find when he gets angry (when he asks for something, like cereal just before lunch and I say no) including sweeping all the cutleries from the table, toppling chairs and today he took the cereal box from the pantry and emptied it all on the floor. When Lucas gets angry he has also started hitting me. All the time outs which used to work is no longer working. When I tell him to sit in his chair in the naughty corner, he sits for a while and then he gets out and plays by himself, like he's not being punished.
When he empties out the tea bags or the sugar cubes, I tell him to pick them up, he walks on them instead and runs away. He defies me everytime. When I tell him to stop when he's doing something dangerous like climbing on a chair and opening the window, he starts a screaming fit.
Fred says Lucas needs to get out of the apartment and run around to expand his energy. This morning I took him to the playground for an hour, and thought he would calm down when we got home. Instead, the minute I drive through the security at our apartment he starts screaming. It was hard enough to get him into the car when it was time to leave the playground, its harder to get him out of the car and juggle with opening the security door and climb up 2 flights of stairs with a wriggling screaming toddler in my hands. When we finally got into the apartment, he started throwing whatever he could get his hands on to show me that he was angry.
The final straw came when he asked for cereal and I said no, since we were 10 minutes away from lunch. He threw the cereal on the floor. Then when I was cleaning the floor, he toppled the chairs. AND he swept his drinking glass off the table. I took him and deposited him in his room, and told him to sit in his naughty corner. Instead of doing what I asked he took his books and threw them on the floor, and took his toys and threw them at me when I opened the door. That's when I saw red and spanked him.
Now I am miserable and feeling guilty. My heart is breaking because I hate having to spank him. But I really don't know what else to do anymore. I want to be a laid back mom, cool and relaxed and happy and just enjoy my baby. I really do. Instead I am strung out and angry and frustrated.
Friday, December 18, 2009
A "difficult" baby
Yesterday Lucas didn't want to have his nap, so he went to creche a grumpy baby. When we went to pick Lucas at 5 pm, he was sleeping. His caregiver took the opportunity to speak to us as Fred was there with me. She asked nicely how things are at home with Lucas and I as she said that Lucas threw a mother of a tantrum in school when she made him come back to the play area after Lucas and the kids went to look at the little Christmas display they set up, with lights and music and moving toys. He didn't want to get back to the play area and he was screaming uncontrollably and she said it took him a long time to calm down after. She also told us that when it was tea time, he refused to sit and eat with the other kids and wanted to do his own thing. He also didn't want to sleep in the cot and had to be pushed around in his stroller til he fell asleep. Fred explained to me that the caregiver, Malika told him nicely that Lucas needs to have limits set, like the other kids in the creche.
I was rather upset to hear that she thinks that Lucas is not well behaved. Most of the time I admit that he needs to be reminded of his limits and boundaries which Fred and I try very hard to maintain. Apparently the kids in this creche do not throw awful tantrums and listen well and sit where they are supposed to.
Not that I want to make excuses for my little boy but those other kids have been in that creche since they were 6 months old, and they are at the creche full time, so they have adjusted to the schedule. Lucas joined this creche barely 4 months ago and he only attends 3 times a week, 3 hours each time.
At home when Lucas is tired he will sleep in his cot. He has never slept anywhere else besides his cot or his car seat or his stroller. I suspect that he was fearful of the new sleep area at the creche. As for his tantrums, with me his tantrums don't last even 2 minutes. While I know for a fact that we should be more strict with him, I don't think that Lucas is that bad a baby. He doesn't like to sit and eat when he's not hungry and Fred & I are still trying to teach him to sit through dinner with us in his chair.
So what am I doing wrong that my child has been labelled a naughty and a difficult one? Am I being too lenient with him? Fred and I used to bend our schedule backwards to cater to Lucas. Lucas had a maid at his beck and call in Malaysia. But although I find that Lucas needs to follow a schedule, it doesn't have to be one that is carved in stone. I no longer rush home in the middle of shopping just cos Lucas needs his nap. If he wants to sleep, he will sleep in his stroller. His crying and complaints when I am out shopping no longer terrifies me. I have learnt that I am the "boss" in this relationship and Lucas is learning to respect that fact.
I thought that Fred and I have made a lot of progress with Lucas since we moved to France. But Malika's remarks have made me doubt what I am doing. I spent last night tossing around trying to think of a solution. Short of pawning Lucas off to a supernanny for a couple of weeks to straighten him out (Fred says there is no such supernanny here in Tarbes) I don't know what else to do. Maybe spend less time with him and let someone else who is in a better position to teach him care for him, or try to find another creche which is able to take Lucas full time so he will learn through the experienced caregivers? That would defeat the purpose of me being a SAHM to Lucas.
How do I be a disciplinarian without being too rigid? What can I do to make sure Lucas adheres to his limits without breaking his spirit? What am I doing wrong here?
I was rather upset to hear that she thinks that Lucas is not well behaved. Most of the time I admit that he needs to be reminded of his limits and boundaries which Fred and I try very hard to maintain. Apparently the kids in this creche do not throw awful tantrums and listen well and sit where they are supposed to.
Not that I want to make excuses for my little boy but those other kids have been in that creche since they were 6 months old, and they are at the creche full time, so they have adjusted to the schedule. Lucas joined this creche barely 4 months ago and he only attends 3 times a week, 3 hours each time.
At home when Lucas is tired he will sleep in his cot. He has never slept anywhere else besides his cot or his car seat or his stroller. I suspect that he was fearful of the new sleep area at the creche. As for his tantrums, with me his tantrums don't last even 2 minutes. While I know for a fact that we should be more strict with him, I don't think that Lucas is that bad a baby. He doesn't like to sit and eat when he's not hungry and Fred & I are still trying to teach him to sit through dinner with us in his chair.
So what am I doing wrong that my child has been labelled a naughty and a difficult one? Am I being too lenient with him? Fred and I used to bend our schedule backwards to cater to Lucas. Lucas had a maid at his beck and call in Malaysia. But although I find that Lucas needs to follow a schedule, it doesn't have to be one that is carved in stone. I no longer rush home in the middle of shopping just cos Lucas needs his nap. If he wants to sleep, he will sleep in his stroller. His crying and complaints when I am out shopping no longer terrifies me. I have learnt that I am the "boss" in this relationship and Lucas is learning to respect that fact.
I thought that Fred and I have made a lot of progress with Lucas since we moved to France. But Malika's remarks have made me doubt what I am doing. I spent last night tossing around trying to think of a solution. Short of pawning Lucas off to a supernanny for a couple of weeks to straighten him out (Fred says there is no such supernanny here in Tarbes) I don't know what else to do. Maybe spend less time with him and let someone else who is in a better position to teach him care for him, or try to find another creche which is able to take Lucas full time so he will learn through the experienced caregivers? That would defeat the purpose of me being a SAHM to Lucas.
How do I be a disciplinarian without being too rigid? What can I do to make sure Lucas adheres to his limits without breaking his spirit? What am I doing wrong here?
Friday, November 13, 2009
To spank or not to spank...
Lucas has been impossible the past 2 weeks, not only with his tantrums but he also deliberately openly defies us when we tell him not to do something or when we tell him to "stop". He starts screaming when he hears the words "No" or "stop". I know he understands us when we say "no" as he uses it on me when he doesn't want something.
Other things he does around the apartment is he takes the food I give him and throws it on the ground or he picks the food with his hand and squishes it before throwing the food, he also has been throwing his toys in anger.
I was at my wits end and was feeling tired, irritated and thoroughly frustrated with his behavior. Fred and I discussed if we should spank Lucas when he is extremely naughty and agreed that a smack on his diapered bottom should do the trick. Well, last week, Lucas got smacked almost everyday and his behavior got from bad to worst.
It seems that Lucas only misbehaves when he is in the apartment with me or his papa. His caregivers at the creche tell me he's such an angel when he's there. When Lucas is with me he wants my undivided attention ALL the time and this new clingy Lucas started when he started going to creche. I suppose he also misbehaves to get my attention, which I try to give him as much as I can but I am also trying to encourage independant play on his part which has not been fruitful until 3 days ago.
3 days ago I decided to put a stop to the spanking and had a talk with Lucas like an adult. When he woke me up in the morning, I put him in between my knees, looked him in the eye and apologized to him for the spanking and for losing my temper. I told him that I was irritated and frustrated and I didn't know how to handle his misbehavior and that spanking him was the wrong thing to do. I told Lucas that I love him and that both Fred and I do not mean to hurt his feelings and that we are happy just because we have him.
That conversation with Lucas really worked. I could see that he understood what I was saying, and he has been on his best behavior since. Today he even started to play by himself and sat in the salon reading his book for 15 minutes! Lucas still "cries" (I put the inverted commas as he cries with a lot of noise but without the tears)when I do not move fast enough for him especially when he wants me to follow him into the room or to pick him up but the cries no longer develop into full blown tantrums. He also understood today when he pulled all his books on the floor and I asked him to pick them up and put it back. He wanted me to carry him but I told him to pick up his books first and he did it, without the usual fuss.
From the very beginning even before I got pregnant I made it clear to Fred that I do not advocate corporal punishment. I believe that because I smacked Lucas on his bottom, he would have thought that if mama can do it so can he, which was why he hit me back - twice. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.
Such punishment also interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving towards someone who hurt us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
Other things he does around the apartment is he takes the food I give him and throws it on the ground or he picks the food with his hand and squishes it before throwing the food, he also has been throwing his toys in anger.
I was at my wits end and was feeling tired, irritated and thoroughly frustrated with his behavior. Fred and I discussed if we should spank Lucas when he is extremely naughty and agreed that a smack on his diapered bottom should do the trick. Well, last week, Lucas got smacked almost everyday and his behavior got from bad to worst.
It seems that Lucas only misbehaves when he is in the apartment with me or his papa. His caregivers at the creche tell me he's such an angel when he's there. When Lucas is with me he wants my undivided attention ALL the time and this new clingy Lucas started when he started going to creche. I suppose he also misbehaves to get my attention, which I try to give him as much as I can but I am also trying to encourage independant play on his part which has not been fruitful until 3 days ago.
3 days ago I decided to put a stop to the spanking and had a talk with Lucas like an adult. When he woke me up in the morning, I put him in between my knees, looked him in the eye and apologized to him for the spanking and for losing my temper. I told him that I was irritated and frustrated and I didn't know how to handle his misbehavior and that spanking him was the wrong thing to do. I told Lucas that I love him and that both Fred and I do not mean to hurt his feelings and that we are happy just because we have him.
That conversation with Lucas really worked. I could see that he understood what I was saying, and he has been on his best behavior since. Today he even started to play by himself and sat in the salon reading his book for 15 minutes! Lucas still "cries" (I put the inverted commas as he cries with a lot of noise but without the tears)when I do not move fast enough for him especially when he wants me to follow him into the room or to pick him up but the cries no longer develop into full blown tantrums. He also understood today when he pulled all his books on the floor and I asked him to pick them up and put it back. He wanted me to carry him but I told him to pick up his books first and he did it, without the usual fuss.
From the very beginning even before I got pregnant I made it clear to Fred that I do not advocate corporal punishment. I believe that because I smacked Lucas on his bottom, he would have thought that if mama can do it so can he, which was why he hit me back - twice. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.
Such punishment also interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving towards someone who hurt us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Discipline and Lucas
I am truly at my wits' end with my darling little boy - he seems to test my limit and my patience again and again. He definitely understands the word "NO" but chooses not to obey. He uses the word No on me when I ask him if he's ready for his nap.
My little one has got itchy fingers. Fingers who can't help but touch the TV screen, TV on and off button, the DVD player (he keeps opening and closing it), the CD player and papa's laptop! No matter how many times I tell him no and I try to substitute with a toy he will still defy me and touch. Oh, but he is a sneaky one - he may take some "time off" to try to distract me and then go back to whatever it was that he was trying to touch. Once he even came to me grinning and then showering me with kisses just so he could then go back to touching the CD player!
Just a couple of days ago, Lucas was climbing up onto the dining table (another bad habit) to touch the laptop and I stopped him and was trying to reason with him as he'd fallen off the chair 3 times so far in his attempt to climb up the table. Instead of listening to me, he started to "answer me back" in baby talk. Every sentence I said had a comeback from Lucas. When I put on my angry face, he laughed.
Fred & I agreed earlier on that we will not resort to caning him and we still will not but Fred has to be the disciplinarian in the family as Lucas doesn't take me seriously...
My little one has got itchy fingers. Fingers who can't help but touch the TV screen, TV on and off button, the DVD player (he keeps opening and closing it), the CD player and papa's laptop! No matter how many times I tell him no and I try to substitute with a toy he will still defy me and touch. Oh, but he is a sneaky one - he may take some "time off" to try to distract me and then go back to whatever it was that he was trying to touch. Once he even came to me grinning and then showering me with kisses just so he could then go back to touching the CD player!
Just a couple of days ago, Lucas was climbing up onto the dining table (another bad habit) to touch the laptop and I stopped him and was trying to reason with him as he'd fallen off the chair 3 times so far in his attempt to climb up the table. Instead of listening to me, he started to "answer me back" in baby talk. Every sentence I said had a comeback from Lucas. When I put on my angry face, he laughed.
Fred & I agreed earlier on that we will not resort to caning him and we still will not but Fred has to be the disciplinarian in the family as Lucas doesn't take me seriously...
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