My life as a stay home mom

When I first announced that I was going to quit my job and be a stay at home mom, I had mixed reactions from my friends - some were truly happy for me and then there were the skeptics and the ones who were aghast at my decision. Funny enough, the ones who reacted negatively were working moms who only saw their kids during the weekends (with the maid in tow, of course) and holidays.

There were also those who have tried to be SAHM and then found that they couldn't do it. One of my friends told me that staying home with her 2 kids all day made her irritated and bad tempered. In the end she preferred to go back to work.

In Malaysia, when I was working, I hardly saw Lucas. Although our working hours are stipulated as 9am to 5 pm, no one ever leaves work at 5. The work culture is such that working effectively means long long hours, even though you may be playing solitaire on your computer at work, as long as you are seen to be "working late" means you are a valued and productive staff.

Once I had Lucas, I found that being away from him just made me count the hours til I could see him again. Even then, it was not enough for me. I longed to be Lucas' primary caregiver, not trusting my maid fully with him. So we had to come to a decision and since I was "ready" to be a SAHM, we decided to move back to France primarily for Lucas' education but also because Fred wanted to be nearer to Hugo, his firstborn.

Little did I realize what a struggle it would be, almost like a culture shock for me to make that transition from a working mom with a maid to a SAHM who also needed to cook, do the laundry and clean! But so far, the benefits of being a SAHM far outweighs the bad and knowing my son is receiving all the love and attention he needs because I chose to stay home with him instead of leaving him with someone else. I know that he is learning at a maximum rate because I have all the time to devote to his developing intellect.

I am not feeling rushed all the time and I am not tired from working. I can give him the time he deserves instead of cramming in a little time here and there.

I think being a SAHM is the most important job in the world. I did not want another person to raise my child or see his first step or hear his first words!! I want my values instilled in my child. I want him to know it was me who raised him, that I was there every step of the way.

There are so many benefits to staying at home with your child I cannot begin to list them all. The first thing is that it builds a sense of security for your child. I think security brings and breeds trust. I think because Lucas is secure in our bond with each other it allows him to learn through his interaction with both adults and other toddlers alike. The biggest benefit is the bond that grows stronger each day. This bond is what makes Lucas a confident, secure and happy child.

The best part of being a SAHM is being able to set my own schedule and getting to do fun things with Lucas. Whenever we do something new, I think of it as one more memory we both have of his childhood - whether it's going to the zoo, meeting other kids at Gepetto, reading a book in the library, playing in the backyard, going to the farmers' market or sliding down that giant slide at L'Ormeau. Those are memories that will last a lifetime.

There is no morning rush to get everyone out the door (except some days where we wake up late for Lucas' creche as we do not use an alarm clock) and there are no chaotic evenings where we're not sure who's going to cook dinner or what there is to eat. While the world around us is going a million miles an hour, my child's world is a calm, stable haven of peace.

This is now my life. I have traded in the designer clothes and 3-inch heels for messy hair, jeans and flip flops. Instead of a trip to the cinema, we watch a DVD and have popcorn on our living room floor. I had to learn to cut costs, prioritize household needs, shop at different supermarkets to get the best prices and get really creative in order to stay at home with Lucas. We can no longer decide to take a weekend trip on a whim. Eating out is a luxury.

While giving up my career also meant giving up my paycheck, it is not without its rewards. When Lucas is grown up, I know he is not going to remember that he did not always have the newest, most expensive toys and stuff. He is going to remember that I was there, every single day. He will remember that I was the first face he saw every morning, that I was the one who held him tight when he scraped his knees, that I was the one who helped scare away all the monsters under his bed and that I was the one who kissed all his boo boos away. I could not put a price tag on these experiences. The day will come when my son will become more independant. It will not be long before he is off to school, and I am free to pursue other interests.

But for now, suffice to say that I am indeed blessed to be able to share and build a lifetime of memories with Lucas. These are the memories that I will remember, the stories I will tell his children.

I would not miss this for anything.