We received the vaccination letter for Lucas more than a week ago and so far we haven't come to a decision yet...
This topic of vaccination has been in the news for months, and because of the sudden widespread disease here in the SW where schools are closing due to the outbreak, suddenly the vaccination centers are getting filled with people waiting in line to get the injection. Previously a lot of people were reluctant to get the injection, including medical workers. A majority of people I spoke to are still uncertain about the safety of the H1N1 vaccines, and are worried about the potential side effects, especially the risk of Guillain-Barre syndrome which can cause paralysis or death in severe cases.
The most commonly reported side effects of H1N1 vaccination remain pain, redness, or swelling at the site of the injection. Headache, fever, fatigue, and muscular aches are also common, though less so, and generally go away within two days of getting the shot.
The most common worry is the risk of Guillain-Barre syndrome. Although there have been only two cases reported in France in possible connection to the vaccine, it continues to be a major concern for many, including Fred & I.
Another concern is the worry that the H1N1 vaccine may not be effective for long as mutations of H1N1 have been reported in a number of places. These mutations have not spread beyond a few individuals, and so far the vaccine has remained effective against the mutated H1N1 viruses but it still raises concern in many people that if the mutations continue and the vaccine becomes ineffective, what's the point of taking the vaccine now and exposing oneself to Guillain-Barre?
Also causing worry is the safety of the small amounts of mercury in H1N1 vaccines used as a preservative in the multi-dose formulas. Thimerosal has been found in the multi-dose vaccine and contains a form of mercury. It's ethyl mercury, which is likely not as toxic as some other forms. Even so, mercury can't be good for your body. People who want to avoid thimerosal-containing flu vaccines should get the single-syringe shots.
Last night after the news showed thousands of people lining up to get the vaccine and the start of vaccination to all school going children today nationwide in schools and colleges, Fred says that if so many people are getting vaccinated, the number of swine flu cases will decrease so there should not be a need for Lucas to get the vaccine...
Methinks the Minister of Health is under fire for over ordering the amount of vaccines paid for by the taxpayers and so needs the whole nation to take the vaccines collectively which is why there is so much hype about the number of people going for the injections. After all, people attract people right?
Would you take the vaccine? Would you give your kids the vaccine? In France we have been given the choice of saying no. Everyone is so uncertain about this vaccine, its making us stressed out just thinking about it. But for now, this is a moot point as Lucas is having a cold and a cough - we need to wait for him to recover before we come to a decision.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Money saving tips from Roni
For those of you who have been following my blog since I first arrived in France, remember when I had to go grocery shopping and I was complaining about how expensive food is in France?
Well, I have stopped converting every euro to RM since the conversion gives me a panic attack everytime but I find that for certain items I still do need to multiply by 5 (euro to RM) for me to gauge the value of things. For example, I nearly bought Lucas a wooden baby highchair (don't ask me why OK, since he doesn't even sit in his current highchair anymore...., it was an impulse thing - I saw the chair, it was aesthetically pleasing and I could imagine Lucas sitting in it, although getting him into the chair would have been a struggle but I didn't think about it at that time...)
Back to the highchair. For a moment I nearly called Fred to tell him about the chair (good thing I didn't...) and I remember telling myself that its such a good buy and so cheap at 129... but then I woke up and remembered that its 129 EUROS and not RM. That switch took more than 3 minutes tho' cos I was distracted by the chair. I was already thinking about how I was going to bring the boxed chair to the car when I realized I made a mistake.
Anyway, I wanted to share some money saving tips I picked up in my last 6 months here. Before some of you start laughing at me, FYI I am not exactly living the life of a "tai tai" here in France since "Tai-Taidom" involves full time maids, sleeping til noon and shopping everyday with the weekly mahjong session thrown in. In the first place even if we could afford a maid, where will I find 3 other tai tais to play mahjong with me????? :)
OK, here is what I learnt:
Make Grocery Lists. Plan weekly meals and take a list with you to the grocery store. Fred was drumming this into me since the first day I arrived. In KL, we didn't need to make any lists and would just buy whatever we wanted and we'd go to TMC every couple of days which is also not fuel efficient. It has been proven that people spend less money when they make and follow a list. The key word here is "follow the list". Its easy to get distracted and start dumping in other stuff that caught your eye. Both Fred & I are so easily distracted, we end up buying more and busting our monthly grocery budget. Also, do not go to the grocery when you are hungry!
Stop Eating Out! Going out to eat is expensive here in France! Of course this rule of thumb does not apply to Malaysia - how I miss the mamak stalls, the "tai chow", the hawker centers, Chili's, Marmalade and Delicious...
Even though groceries cost a lot of money, its still cheaper than eating out all the time. Also, when you cook meals at home, you can make them healthier for your family. Use leftovers to pack lunches for work. I usually cook more so we will have the same food for lunch the next day (this is also so I don't have to cook twice a day... )
Do not throw out the "publicites" just yet. Use them to familiarize yourself with which stores are having specials and which ones offer Buy One Get One Free so you can maximize savings.
Buy in Bulk. I found the fresh meat here in France expensive and after I complained about it in my blog, my aunt emailed me and taught me to buy more when they are on sale and freeze them. I have been buying pork chops from LeClerc (15-18 pieces for 9 euro) chicken breasts and fillets from Carrefour (6 pcs for 7 euro), beef steaks from either LeClerc or LIDL for under 2 euro a piece, frozen tiger prawns (LeClerc sells frozen tiger prawns from Malaysia, 30 pcs for 5 euro) - I was sceptical about the frozen prawns at first but after I tried them, they are as good as the fresh ones. Buying in bulk allows you to get a better price on food and household items.
Recycle or make your own toys! Lucas has so many toys he doesn't play with these days. He likes to go into the kitchen and play with the pots and pans instead. Start an arts & crafts session with your toddler instead of buying him a new toy. Lucas and I have started doing paper chains for our Christmas decorations. He happily shows his fruits of labor to his papa and is also more contented that I am spending more time with him.
Stop doing the laundry so much. Some pieces of clothing (jeans, jackets and sweaters) do NOT need to be washed each time you wear them, especially if they are layered over some other piece of clothing. If you are able to hang your clothes outside to dry, choose this option. Unfortunately for me I need to use the dryer everytime I do my washing. Make sure you wash FULL loads only. I remember my mom telling me that my maid was using the washer even for 3 or 4 pieces of Lucas' clothing and that really irked her.
Create & follow a monthly budget. There are internet tools available online to help you keep account of your monthly budget.
Plant your own vegetables. If you have a garden why not transform a part of the garden into your own vegetable patch? Every small change can save you money and in this case, planting your own vegetables can help you save (in my case it would be 0.75 for the lettuce - we consume 1 a day, 0.30 for 2 tomatoes, 0.50 for a cucumber, 0.70 for a green/ yellow pepper)
Do you have any other money saving tips? Feel free to add your suggestion to the list above.
Well, I have stopped converting every euro to RM since the conversion gives me a panic attack everytime but I find that for certain items I still do need to multiply by 5 (euro to RM) for me to gauge the value of things. For example, I nearly bought Lucas a wooden baby highchair (don't ask me why OK, since he doesn't even sit in his current highchair anymore...., it was an impulse thing - I saw the chair, it was aesthetically pleasing and I could imagine Lucas sitting in it, although getting him into the chair would have been a struggle but I didn't think about it at that time...)
Back to the highchair. For a moment I nearly called Fred to tell him about the chair (good thing I didn't...) and I remember telling myself that its such a good buy and so cheap at 129... but then I woke up and remembered that its 129 EUROS and not RM. That switch took more than 3 minutes tho' cos I was distracted by the chair. I was already thinking about how I was going to bring the boxed chair to the car when I realized I made a mistake.
Anyway, I wanted to share some money saving tips I picked up in my last 6 months here. Before some of you start laughing at me, FYI I am not exactly living the life of a "tai tai" here in France since "Tai-Taidom" involves full time maids, sleeping til noon and shopping everyday with the weekly mahjong session thrown in. In the first place even if we could afford a maid, where will I find 3 other tai tais to play mahjong with me????? :)
OK, here is what I learnt:
Make Grocery Lists. Plan weekly meals and take a list with you to the grocery store. Fred was drumming this into me since the first day I arrived. In KL, we didn't need to make any lists and would just buy whatever we wanted and we'd go to TMC every couple of days which is also not fuel efficient. It has been proven that people spend less money when they make and follow a list. The key word here is "follow the list". Its easy to get distracted and start dumping in other stuff that caught your eye. Both Fred & I are so easily distracted, we end up buying more and busting our monthly grocery budget. Also, do not go to the grocery when you are hungry!
Stop Eating Out! Going out to eat is expensive here in France! Of course this rule of thumb does not apply to Malaysia - how I miss the mamak stalls, the "tai chow", the hawker centers, Chili's, Marmalade and Delicious...
Even though groceries cost a lot of money, its still cheaper than eating out all the time. Also, when you cook meals at home, you can make them healthier for your family. Use leftovers to pack lunches for work. I usually cook more so we will have the same food for lunch the next day (this is also so I don't have to cook twice a day... )
Do not throw out the "publicites" just yet. Use them to familiarize yourself with which stores are having specials and which ones offer Buy One Get One Free so you can maximize savings.
Buy in Bulk. I found the fresh meat here in France expensive and after I complained about it in my blog, my aunt emailed me and taught me to buy more when they are on sale and freeze them. I have been buying pork chops from LeClerc (15-18 pieces for 9 euro) chicken breasts and fillets from Carrefour (6 pcs for 7 euro), beef steaks from either LeClerc or LIDL for under 2 euro a piece, frozen tiger prawns (LeClerc sells frozen tiger prawns from Malaysia, 30 pcs for 5 euro) - I was sceptical about the frozen prawns at first but after I tried them, they are as good as the fresh ones. Buying in bulk allows you to get a better price on food and household items.
Recycle or make your own toys! Lucas has so many toys he doesn't play with these days. He likes to go into the kitchen and play with the pots and pans instead. Start an arts & crafts session with your toddler instead of buying him a new toy. Lucas and I have started doing paper chains for our Christmas decorations. He happily shows his fruits of labor to his papa and is also more contented that I am spending more time with him.
Stop doing the laundry so much. Some pieces of clothing (jeans, jackets and sweaters) do NOT need to be washed each time you wear them, especially if they are layered over some other piece of clothing. If you are able to hang your clothes outside to dry, choose this option. Unfortunately for me I need to use the dryer everytime I do my washing. Make sure you wash FULL loads only. I remember my mom telling me that my maid was using the washer even for 3 or 4 pieces of Lucas' clothing and that really irked her.
Create & follow a monthly budget. There are internet tools available online to help you keep account of your monthly budget.
Plant your own vegetables. If you have a garden why not transform a part of the garden into your own vegetable patch? Every small change can save you money and in this case, planting your own vegetables can help you save (in my case it would be 0.75 for the lettuce - we consume 1 a day, 0.30 for 2 tomatoes, 0.50 for a cucumber, 0.70 for a green/ yellow pepper)
Do you have any other money saving tips? Feel free to add your suggestion to the list above.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
How we got our toddler to eat :)
For many many months now I have had one problem after another getting Lucas to eat solids and to try new food. Before he fell ill with bronchitis, Lucas would still eat food that I mix into his baby cereal and also pasta especially macaroni. That all changed after he got sick and even after he recovered, Lucas only wanted to eat his baby cereal mixed with mashed fruits, but only apples or pears, not bananas.
Of course then I started "labelling" him as a fussy eater and started getting worried and stressed out when he refused to even try anything new. Even when I tried to feed him with Barney switched on, he still refused to eat anything more than a bowl of cereal + fruit a day. I'd try to make food that he used to like, fried rice or pasta or soup with rice but he would take maybe 2 or 3 mouthful and refuse the rest. And I'd be begging him to eat and praying really hard for him to eat and then resorting to telling him if he doesn't eat, mama will bring him to the hospital and the doctor will put him on a drip. (I don't know if he understands but he ignores me anyway)
Then last week I was chatting online with mom and she asked me to try making fish cutlets ( I mentioned that Lucas seems to love fried foods, like the instant cucur udang that I brought with me from KL). I rushed out to buy fish (but ended up with fish fillet as I didn't know what fish to buy...), biscotte (I couldn't find breadcrumbs, so I mashed the biscotte into breadcrumbs), eggs and carrots.
When Fred came back from work that night, he had an ephiphany (while at work, I suppose...) and said that maybe I was feeding Lucas too much and he is too full to eat as I mix his full bottle of milk with 8 oz baby cereal and a tsp honey, 3 times a day - morning, noon and night as I worry he's not getting enough nutrition.
So he suggested that I stop adding the cereal and give him just milk and see if he eats after that. Well, whaddaya know? It worked like a dream! Suddenly my toddler started to eat the grilled cheese sandwich and the fish cutlets (he loves it and finished it all). I made fish cutlets 2 nights in a row and then last night we gave him chicken nuggets which he ate as well. He still rejects the scrambled eggs and pasta though but I am so happy that he's finally eating solids and chewing his food that I am no longer bothered. I am now going to add brocolli bits and spinach into his cutlets and will try minced beef and minced pork as well. I don't like the idea of Lucas eating fried foods all the time though so I will try to bake the cutlets and see if he will eat them.
Mom's recipe for fish cutlets: (Fred & I love them too!)
Minced fish (or beef/ chicken/ pork)
Breadcrumbs
Salt and Pepper
1 egg
diced onions
Bits of vegetables (corn/ carrots/ brocolli)
Mix it all in a bowl and form into patties
I like to add some milk into the mixture to make it more moist
Fry in a heated pan
Of course then I started "labelling" him as a fussy eater and started getting worried and stressed out when he refused to even try anything new. Even when I tried to feed him with Barney switched on, he still refused to eat anything more than a bowl of cereal + fruit a day. I'd try to make food that he used to like, fried rice or pasta or soup with rice but he would take maybe 2 or 3 mouthful and refuse the rest. And I'd be begging him to eat and praying really hard for him to eat and then resorting to telling him if he doesn't eat, mama will bring him to the hospital and the doctor will put him on a drip. (I don't know if he understands but he ignores me anyway)
Then last week I was chatting online with mom and she asked me to try making fish cutlets ( I mentioned that Lucas seems to love fried foods, like the instant cucur udang that I brought with me from KL). I rushed out to buy fish (but ended up with fish fillet as I didn't know what fish to buy...), biscotte (I couldn't find breadcrumbs, so I mashed the biscotte into breadcrumbs), eggs and carrots.
When Fred came back from work that night, he had an ephiphany (while at work, I suppose...) and said that maybe I was feeding Lucas too much and he is too full to eat as I mix his full bottle of milk with 8 oz baby cereal and a tsp honey, 3 times a day - morning, noon and night as I worry he's not getting enough nutrition.
So he suggested that I stop adding the cereal and give him just milk and see if he eats after that. Well, whaddaya know? It worked like a dream! Suddenly my toddler started to eat the grilled cheese sandwich and the fish cutlets (he loves it and finished it all). I made fish cutlets 2 nights in a row and then last night we gave him chicken nuggets which he ate as well. He still rejects the scrambled eggs and pasta though but I am so happy that he's finally eating solids and chewing his food that I am no longer bothered. I am now going to add brocolli bits and spinach into his cutlets and will try minced beef and minced pork as well. I don't like the idea of Lucas eating fried foods all the time though so I will try to bake the cutlets and see if he will eat them.
Mom's recipe for fish cutlets: (Fred & I love them too!)
Minced fish (or beef/ chicken/ pork)
Breadcrumbs
Salt and Pepper
1 egg
diced onions
Bits of vegetables (corn/ carrots/ brocolli)
Mix it all in a bowl and form into patties
I like to add some milk into the mixture to make it more moist
Fry in a heated pan
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friendship foibles
Maybe I am getting old as I am beginning to find that my level of tolerance is pretty low for someone who should be trying hard to make friends instead of alienating them. But that said, I cannot and absolutely will not stand for meaness in that friend even though the remarks could have been made carelessly and without thought.
A friendship that I'd hoped would develop into a close one came to a halt recently after I went out with this person twice since we met and after getting to know her through my french class.
At first I thought I could tolerate that she has maybe low self esteem and has the need to boast ALL the time. This is one person who takes advantage of every situation in class and during break time to tell anyone within hearing distance how rich her husband is, about her 7 bedroom house and her new yacht that they bought cash as her husband doesn't like to take credit from a bank, about her 55 pairs of shoes (none of them Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choos or Loubotins..., I asked and she seemed clueless)and about how she has never worked a single day in her life.
She boasts of her "wonderful" life among the students some of whom are refugees and poor immigrants who cannot even afford to pay for the bus fare to come to class. So I was telling myself that maybe she is just tactless and I have tried to tell her that its not nice to boast, but she still does it.
Last week, we were learning words that describe the characteristics and qualities of a person and when the word "modeste" came and our teacher was explaining the meaning, you hear her quip "that's my husband, he so rich but he never shows it" and someone whispered "but not the wife"!!!!!
Besides that she can also be downright mean, saying our Portugese classmate is fat because she loves hamburgers (out loud, with the poor Portugese girl sitting a few seats away). When I shushed her she said again in a loud voice that the girl doesn't understand English, but I saw the expression on the poor girl's face.
Today, during the coffee break I was talking to an Armenian girl Rosanna who loves wearing skin tight clothes and found that she makes most of her clothes herself. I thought that was very clever and I inspected the stitching on her black vest and it was so well done, I happened to mention it to the meanie who immediately said "well, she's never going to make any clothes for me cos her clothes are so ugly" Rosanna's clothes are not ugly at all, she just likes to wear black - black Tshirt, black leather pants, black vest, black knee high boots...)
She also told Elizabeth off when Elizabeth asked us where she could find some cheap boots to buy (Elizabeth's husband is unemployed). She told Elizabeth that her husband always tells her to buy quality and expensive things instead of cheapies. Elizabeth and I simply ignored her comment and I advised her to go to the Sunday markets for really nice, leather boots that cost between 20 to 50 euros.
On the other hand, I like talking to Russian Margarita, the english ladies Lucy and Philippa and Luseanne and Nadine. The meanie seems possessive of our friendship and hates it when I mix with the others instead of sticking to her but honestly it doesn't bother me. During today's break she sat all by herself until Elizabeth went to join her.
So what started off as a nice friendship is about to be demoted into acquaintanceship since I realized that I really do not like her at all and I really can't get close to someone whom I dislike no matter how I long for friendship. I'd like to think that with time I will find some really good friends whom I can call up for a nice chat or have coffee together and the occassional cook out or the odd shopping spree like my friends in KL who I still miss like mad...
A friendship that I'd hoped would develop into a close one came to a halt recently after I went out with this person twice since we met and after getting to know her through my french class.
At first I thought I could tolerate that she has maybe low self esteem and has the need to boast ALL the time. This is one person who takes advantage of every situation in class and during break time to tell anyone within hearing distance how rich her husband is, about her 7 bedroom house and her new yacht that they bought cash as her husband doesn't like to take credit from a bank, about her 55 pairs of shoes (none of them Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choos or Loubotins..., I asked and she seemed clueless)and about how she has never worked a single day in her life.
She boasts of her "wonderful" life among the students some of whom are refugees and poor immigrants who cannot even afford to pay for the bus fare to come to class. So I was telling myself that maybe she is just tactless and I have tried to tell her that its not nice to boast, but she still does it.
Last week, we were learning words that describe the characteristics and qualities of a person and when the word "modeste" came and our teacher was explaining the meaning, you hear her quip "that's my husband, he so rich but he never shows it" and someone whispered "but not the wife"!!!!!
Besides that she can also be downright mean, saying our Portugese classmate is fat because she loves hamburgers (out loud, with the poor Portugese girl sitting a few seats away). When I shushed her she said again in a loud voice that the girl doesn't understand English, but I saw the expression on the poor girl's face.
Today, during the coffee break I was talking to an Armenian girl Rosanna who loves wearing skin tight clothes and found that she makes most of her clothes herself. I thought that was very clever and I inspected the stitching on her black vest and it was so well done, I happened to mention it to the meanie who immediately said "well, she's never going to make any clothes for me cos her clothes are so ugly" Rosanna's clothes are not ugly at all, she just likes to wear black - black Tshirt, black leather pants, black vest, black knee high boots...)
She also told Elizabeth off when Elizabeth asked us where she could find some cheap boots to buy (Elizabeth's husband is unemployed). She told Elizabeth that her husband always tells her to buy quality and expensive things instead of cheapies. Elizabeth and I simply ignored her comment and I advised her to go to the Sunday markets for really nice, leather boots that cost between 20 to 50 euros.
On the other hand, I like talking to Russian Margarita, the english ladies Lucy and Philippa and Luseanne and Nadine. The meanie seems possessive of our friendship and hates it when I mix with the others instead of sticking to her but honestly it doesn't bother me. During today's break she sat all by herself until Elizabeth went to join her.
So what started off as a nice friendship is about to be demoted into acquaintanceship since I realized that I really do not like her at all and I really can't get close to someone whom I dislike no matter how I long for friendship. I'd like to think that with time I will find some really good friends whom I can call up for a nice chat or have coffee together and the occassional cook out or the odd shopping spree like my friends in KL who I still miss like mad...
Friday, November 13, 2009
To spank or not to spank...
Lucas has been impossible the past 2 weeks, not only with his tantrums but he also deliberately openly defies us when we tell him not to do something or when we tell him to "stop". He starts screaming when he hears the words "No" or "stop". I know he understands us when we say "no" as he uses it on me when he doesn't want something.
Other things he does around the apartment is he takes the food I give him and throws it on the ground or he picks the food with his hand and squishes it before throwing the food, he also has been throwing his toys in anger.
I was at my wits end and was feeling tired, irritated and thoroughly frustrated with his behavior. Fred and I discussed if we should spank Lucas when he is extremely naughty and agreed that a smack on his diapered bottom should do the trick. Well, last week, Lucas got smacked almost everyday and his behavior got from bad to worst.
It seems that Lucas only misbehaves when he is in the apartment with me or his papa. His caregivers at the creche tell me he's such an angel when he's there. When Lucas is with me he wants my undivided attention ALL the time and this new clingy Lucas started when he started going to creche. I suppose he also misbehaves to get my attention, which I try to give him as much as I can but I am also trying to encourage independant play on his part which has not been fruitful until 3 days ago.
3 days ago I decided to put a stop to the spanking and had a talk with Lucas like an adult. When he woke me up in the morning, I put him in between my knees, looked him in the eye and apologized to him for the spanking and for losing my temper. I told him that I was irritated and frustrated and I didn't know how to handle his misbehavior and that spanking him was the wrong thing to do. I told Lucas that I love him and that both Fred and I do not mean to hurt his feelings and that we are happy just because we have him.
That conversation with Lucas really worked. I could see that he understood what I was saying, and he has been on his best behavior since. Today he even started to play by himself and sat in the salon reading his book for 15 minutes! Lucas still "cries" (I put the inverted commas as he cries with a lot of noise but without the tears)when I do not move fast enough for him especially when he wants me to follow him into the room or to pick him up but the cries no longer develop into full blown tantrums. He also understood today when he pulled all his books on the floor and I asked him to pick them up and put it back. He wanted me to carry him but I told him to pick up his books first and he did it, without the usual fuss.
From the very beginning even before I got pregnant I made it clear to Fred that I do not advocate corporal punishment. I believe that because I smacked Lucas on his bottom, he would have thought that if mama can do it so can he, which was why he hit me back - twice. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.
Such punishment also interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving towards someone who hurt us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
Other things he does around the apartment is he takes the food I give him and throws it on the ground or he picks the food with his hand and squishes it before throwing the food, he also has been throwing his toys in anger.
I was at my wits end and was feeling tired, irritated and thoroughly frustrated with his behavior. Fred and I discussed if we should spank Lucas when he is extremely naughty and agreed that a smack on his diapered bottom should do the trick. Well, last week, Lucas got smacked almost everyday and his behavior got from bad to worst.
It seems that Lucas only misbehaves when he is in the apartment with me or his papa. His caregivers at the creche tell me he's such an angel when he's there. When Lucas is with me he wants my undivided attention ALL the time and this new clingy Lucas started when he started going to creche. I suppose he also misbehaves to get my attention, which I try to give him as much as I can but I am also trying to encourage independant play on his part which has not been fruitful until 3 days ago.
3 days ago I decided to put a stop to the spanking and had a talk with Lucas like an adult. When he woke me up in the morning, I put him in between my knees, looked him in the eye and apologized to him for the spanking and for losing my temper. I told him that I was irritated and frustrated and I didn't know how to handle his misbehavior and that spanking him was the wrong thing to do. I told Lucas that I love him and that both Fred and I do not mean to hurt his feelings and that we are happy just because we have him.
That conversation with Lucas really worked. I could see that he understood what I was saying, and he has been on his best behavior since. Today he even started to play by himself and sat in the salon reading his book for 15 minutes! Lucas still "cries" (I put the inverted commas as he cries with a lot of noise but without the tears)when I do not move fast enough for him especially when he wants me to follow him into the room or to pick him up but the cries no longer develop into full blown tantrums. He also understood today when he pulled all his books on the floor and I asked him to pick them up and put it back. He wanted me to carry him but I told him to pick up his books first and he did it, without the usual fuss.
From the very beginning even before I got pregnant I made it clear to Fred that I do not advocate corporal punishment. I believe that because I smacked Lucas on his bottom, he would have thought that if mama can do it so can he, which was why he hit me back - twice. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.
Such punishment also interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving towards someone who hurt us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
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