To spank or not to spank...

Lucas has been impossible the past 2 weeks, not only with his tantrums but he also deliberately openly defies us when we tell him not to do something or when we tell him to "stop". He starts screaming when he hears the words "No" or "stop". I know he understands us when we say "no" as he uses it on me when he doesn't want something.

Other things he does around the apartment is he takes the food I give him and throws it on the ground or he picks the food with his hand and squishes it before throwing the food, he also has been throwing his toys in anger.

I was at my wits end and was feeling tired, irritated and thoroughly frustrated with his behavior. Fred and I discussed if we should spank Lucas when he is extremely naughty and agreed that a smack on his diapered bottom should do the trick. Well, last week, Lucas got smacked almost everyday and his behavior got from bad to worst.

It seems that Lucas only misbehaves when he is in the apartment with me or his papa. His caregivers at the creche tell me he's such an angel when he's there. When Lucas is with me he wants my undivided attention ALL the time and this new clingy Lucas started when he started going to creche. I suppose he also misbehaves to get my attention, which I try to give him as much as I can but I am also trying to encourage independant play on his part which has not been fruitful until 3 days ago.

3 days ago I decided to put a stop to the spanking and had a talk with Lucas like an adult. When he woke me up in the morning, I put him in between my knees, looked him in the eye and apologized to him for the spanking and for losing my temper. I told him that I was irritated and frustrated and I didn't know how to handle his misbehavior and that spanking him was the wrong thing to do. I told Lucas that I love him and that both Fred and I do not mean to hurt his feelings and that we are happy just because we have him.
That conversation with Lucas really worked. I could see that he understood what I was saying, and he has been on his best behavior since. Today he even started to play by himself and sat in the salon reading his book for 15 minutes! Lucas still "cries" (I put the inverted commas as he cries with a lot of noise but without the tears)when I do not move fast enough for him especially when he wants me to follow him into the room or to pick him up but the cries no longer develop into full blown tantrums. He also understood today when he pulled all his books on the floor and I asked him to pick them up and put it back. He wanted me to carry him but I told him to pick up his books first and he did it, without the usual fuss.

From the very beginning even before I got pregnant I made it clear to Fred that I do not advocate corporal punishment. I believe that because I smacked Lucas on his bottom, he would have thought that if mama can do it so can he, which was why he hit me back - twice. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.
Such punishment also interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving towards someone who hurt us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect.