Yesterday Lucas didn't want to have his nap, so he went to creche a grumpy baby. When we went to pick Lucas at 5 pm, he was sleeping. His caregiver took the opportunity to speak to us as Fred was there with me. She asked nicely how things are at home with Lucas and I as she said that Lucas threw a mother of a tantrum in school when she made him come back to the play area after Lucas and the kids went to look at the little Christmas display they set up, with lights and music and moving toys. He didn't want to get back to the play area and he was screaming uncontrollably and she said it took him a long time to calm down after. She also told us that when it was tea time, he refused to sit and eat with the other kids and wanted to do his own thing. He also didn't want to sleep in the cot and had to be pushed around in his stroller til he fell asleep. Fred explained to me that the caregiver, Malika told him nicely that Lucas needs to have limits set, like the other kids in the creche.
I was rather upset to hear that she thinks that Lucas is not well behaved. Most of the time I admit that he needs to be reminded of his limits and boundaries which Fred and I try very hard to maintain. Apparently the kids in this creche do not throw awful tantrums and listen well and sit where they are supposed to.
Not that I want to make excuses for my little boy but those other kids have been in that creche since they were 6 months old, and they are at the creche full time, so they have adjusted to the schedule. Lucas joined this creche barely 4 months ago and he only attends 3 times a week, 3 hours each time.
At home when Lucas is tired he will sleep in his cot. He has never slept anywhere else besides his cot or his car seat or his stroller. I suspect that he was fearful of the new sleep area at the creche. As for his tantrums, with me his tantrums don't last even 2 minutes. While I know for a fact that we should be more strict with him, I don't think that Lucas is that bad a baby. He doesn't like to sit and eat when he's not hungry and Fred & I are still trying to teach him to sit through dinner with us in his chair.
So what am I doing wrong that my child has been labelled a naughty and a difficult one? Am I being too lenient with him? Fred and I used to bend our schedule backwards to cater to Lucas. Lucas had a maid at his beck and call in Malaysia. But although I find that Lucas needs to follow a schedule, it doesn't have to be one that is carved in stone. I no longer rush home in the middle of shopping just cos Lucas needs his nap. If he wants to sleep, he will sleep in his stroller. His crying and complaints when I am out shopping no longer terrifies me. I have learnt that I am the "boss" in this relationship and Lucas is learning to respect that fact.
I thought that Fred and I have made a lot of progress with Lucas since we moved to France. But Malika's remarks have made me doubt what I am doing. I spent last night tossing around trying to think of a solution. Short of pawning Lucas off to a supernanny for a couple of weeks to straighten him out (Fred says there is no such supernanny here in Tarbes) I don't know what else to do. Maybe spend less time with him and let someone else who is in a better position to teach him care for him, or try to find another creche which is able to take Lucas full time so he will learn through the experienced caregivers? That would defeat the purpose of me being a SAHM to Lucas.
How do I be a disciplinarian without being too rigid? What can I do to make sure Lucas adheres to his limits without breaking his spirit? What am I doing wrong here?
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I just came back from Lucas' Christmas party at the creche and I conclude that Malika has no idea what she's talking about when she says Lucas is "difficult". Throughout the 10 minute puppet show Lucas was perched quietly on my knee watching the entire show whilst other kids were screaming and running around. He clapped and sang along with Santa. He said "hello" to his friends and quietly watched the Christmas display while his friends were busy touching the figurines and other moms were trying desperately to stop their kids from touching. Lucas just stood and watched because I told him he cannot touch. The only difficulty was when every child was sitting down for their Christmas snack and Lucas refused to sit with them. He wanted to be carried while he ate his croissant instead.
ReplyDeleteWhen we were about to leave, one of his friends threw a mother of a tantrum, flailing and kicking lying down on the floor... My baby is an angel compared to some of the kids in that creche. Malika doesn't know a good thing when she sees it. Her loss.